It is just a number.
Each morning, I strip down to my birthday suit and stand barefooted on the scale. Pound by pound the 70 plus pounds I gained is coming off. Like most women, I have a number in my head. A number that when I reach I will "finally" be happy.
But it is....just a number.
Some mornings, I stand on that scale and find that I am suddenly 3 lbs more than the day before. I take survey of everything I ate the day before and it just doesn't add up. And it affects me more than it should I may "accidently" skip breakfast--more on purpose than I really care to admit. Logically I understand how counterproductive this punishing act is. And I am all too aware of how this admission sounds. This attitude is dangerous. No I do not have an eating disorder. But, in the past, that number blaring up at me has had way too much power.
In my young adulthood, I have come to learned a thing or too. And if you too have the internal struggle similar to the one I mention above, I want to offer you this. You have to mentally fight back. When my brain starts to go "there"; you know, that gray area somewhere between a healthy management of one's health and an unhealthy obsession seasoned with self-loathing, vanity, and self-centeredness. It is time for a reality check. First, I remind myself that this gray area is not okay. It is self-centered and it does not glorify nor serve God. Then I remind myself, it is just a number....
So, I am in the process of reconditioning my mind. Instead of basing all my fitness and health on the number I see on the scale, I focus on what my body can do.
There was a time I couldn't run a mile. Now I can run several.
There was a time I couldn't do a single military push-up. Not I can do a few.
There was a time I couldn't hold a plank for more than a few second. Now I can hold it for longer.
There was a time I refused to do a burpee. Now I can.
You see, I could reach my "perfect" scale number by food management alone--while not being able to accomplish any of the above. Skinny does not equal healthy. Skinny does not equal strong. Skinny does not equal strength. Skinny does not equal victory.
Loving your body for what it can do. Is much more important than focusing on what it looks like. So I ask myself...what can my body do now? What do I want my body to do in the future? What do I have to do to get myself there?
And the answer is always the same. Nourish myself properly. No overindulging and no extreme restricting either. Balance. Commit to fitness, daily. It takes practice and endurance. Moving the body and moving myself closer to those goals.
It is just a number.
It doesn't tell you how far you can run. It doesn't tell you how many push-ups you can do. It doesn't tell you how healthy your muscles, bones, and circulatory system are. So take the number for what it is--and focus more on what your body can do.
That is all for my motivational speech today
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So I want to take this opportunity to reflect on my goals. What is it, in the short term, I want my body to do? I lost a lot of my abilities during my pregnancy and rebuilding seems slow moving. But I am rebuilding none-the-less.
Short-term goals for the next few months:
- Be sure to ask God What he would like me to do with my body to serve Him? Fitness as a hobby can become very self-serving. I want it to become God serving. How can I use fitness to connect to other people and bring them closer to God?
- I want to run a half-marathon this fall.
- I want to do 20 consecutive military push-ups.
- I want to hold a plank for 100 seconds.
- I want to run for the fun of it once a week. And I want to invite other's to do it with me. Maybe talk about God, life, whatever.
- I want to not cringe everytime I hear the word "burpee".
- I want to swim across the lake (and back) this summer (with some floaty device, because I am not a strong swimmer)
