Barefooted and Awesome

5 miles today.  Tried out some new shoes.  I ended up running my last mile barefooted if that tells you anything.  I'm not a doctor but I think the likelihood of me having a stress fracture on the top of my foot is good.  For the record, the stress fracture arrived last Wednesday--before the new shoes and before the 18 miles in two days.  It seems bearable when I slow down so right now I just want to survive this half marathon--then embrace some swimming and such while it heals. 

So it is safe to say I have already blown one of my goals.  Take a guess.  Diet. Of course. Haha.  Tequila.  Yadda yadda, excuses excuses.   One of these days, I will get off the crazy train and simply be happy with my body.  I am getting there.  Seriously.  I think that is why it is so hard for me to commit to a crazy strict diet.  I mean, sure I would love a bikini fitness competition body.  But the truth it, I have no intensions of doing one (that is a rant for another post). Anyways, I am healthy and fit so why kill myself over food all the time.  I really enjoyed doing the Whole30 program.  Mostly because I felt AMAZING.  My relationship with food was awesome.  Once I got into the swing of things, I had no struggles with food.  So I am feeling like a "Whole30 take two" might be in the works.  Not as a hail mary to lose the last 10 lbs--but just because I really loved how I felt and how simple it all was.  Looking at my schedule, I don't see the next two weeks being a good time to start.  I have an out of town trip in which I have no desire to behave, graduation parties, birthday parties, etc.  The month of May is crazy.

I love pushups.  Here is my positive for the post.  I took yesterday off as a rest day.  But so far I have a little over 400 military pushups for this month.  When I do them at the gym, the old guys always compliment my form.  Push-ups make a world of difference.  Also been working in the planks.  8 minutes of plank so far.  I have to break it down.  My goal is to be able to do the full 2 minutes per day without a break.  But right now I just do it in 30 second segments between my push-up sets.

23/75 miles
400/2000
8/60

6 years, Countless Miles and Laughs

I am pretty much exhausted but I would like to keep myself accountable to myself.

Today I ran 11 miles.  My average pace wasn't bad, but Heather was trying to kill me.  I was pretty miserable most of the run.  I drank some the night before and didn't get into bed late.  I was feeling it for sure.  But two days, I knocked down 18 miles.  Can't complain about that.  I may or may not have a small fracture on the top of my foot from over use but that is just a minor detail I will ignore until I can't. 

18/75 miles
201/ 2000 pushups
4/ 60 minutes of planks

50% meeting my calorie goal (1 good day; 1 bad)  I blew it today but I figured that would happen.  1.) I ran 18 miles in two days and was not properly fueled. 2.) Went out to celebrate our 6 year wedding anniversary after my run.  I was hungry from the run, and the food was delicious.  So I indulged.  And since I already knew this was going to be a day I didn't meet my goal--I decided to bake cookies.  So there is that.  Yesterday was fine. 

Next few days will be difficult on all fronts.  I try to keep my diet consistent at the lake--but it's hard not to just act like I am on vacation while there.  BUT when we are there a few days each week, it adds up quickly.  Thinking I will try to run, and I will just have to get in pushups when I can. 

All in all, it was a good day. 

May 1st

Training run went well.  Did 7.25 with my friend Tiffany on Loring.  It was a good flat confidence booster.  It is her first half, and this was her longest run to date.  Tomorrow is another training run with Heather.  She is likely going to try to kill me.  She is an inspiration.  She is currently on chemo for stage 4 melanoma---but she is a no excuse, balls to the wall chick.  Love her attitude.  Just an absolute positive person and takes everything in stride.

Today's totals:

 7/ 75 Miles
100/ 2,000 Pushups
2/ 60 Minutes of Plank

Can't really post about my dietary goal until the next day.  So far so good.  I have a girl friend coming by this evening so I will really have to focus on moderation. 1.) or tomorrow will be miserable. and 2.) booze calories add up fast.

May Challenges

I was reviewing some of my old posts (that are now unpublished---I have mostly just the highlights posted now)---I use to do monthly goals.  Looking back, I was highly motivated in reaching my monthly goals.  Figured it might be a good time to bring that back since it is the last the last day of April and all.

For the month of May:

Goals--

• 2,000 total military pushups
• 75 miles of running
• 60 minutes of planks
• Hit my dietary goals 90% of the month (27 out of 31 days)

Pretty basic for starters.  Nothing over the top, just requires some discipline in being consistent.

Also this month I have the Mother's Day 5K and the Scouts half Marathon.

Hump Day Adjustment

Man, I love a good adjustment.  My back feels amazing.  We have a game plan for the nerve issues in my foot  and leg (related to my low back).  So there is that.  I actually ran 5 miles today before kickboxing without an issue.  I was running a lot slower than my training pace so he concluded that perhaps when I run faster--I am loosing proper form setting myself up for the nerve issue.  Strength training for my core would benefit me well.  Mas planks.

I am still debating on purchasing either a kayak or a paddleboard for exercise at the lake.  From what I can tell, paddleboard would be a bit more of a workout in theory.  Kayak seems to be a bit more budget friendly, however.  Also I need to consider the likelihood either would get used.  I should suck it up and just get really good at open water swimming.  Should.  The likelihood of that is not high.  I am pretty sure I prefer laying out in the sun and drinking copious amounts of booze.

I really want pizza right now. 

PS I am actively seeking a training partner for Pike's Peak.  I have leads.  This it happening. 

I want to do the Pike's Peak Half....

My current half marathon time qualifies me but this year is always full.  So that gives me a little over a year to prepare.

I guess I ma in the mood to dream big recently.

I am generally a solo runner.  I don't often run with other people.  I have my reasons.  Mostly, rarely are two people going to have similar paces.  So the difference my cause one person to under train or over train for their race.  But that is so missing the bigger picture.

I ran 10.25 miles today with a friend.  She was running a bit slower than her regular pace, and I was running faster than my regular pace--so I felt like I got the better end of the deal--but man did I enjoy the company.  Those 10 miles went by fast!  I have really started undervaluing companionship.  It was good.

I will likely do two more long runs before the race.  I also have the Mother's Day 5K that I don't want swept under the rug so I need to get a few speedy workouts in.  My PR in the 5k is 24:40 ish.  Obviously I want to try for a PR on any race I do.  No pressure. 

On a more random note.  I have decided what I want to do when I grow up.

Field Reporter. 

Yup.  Dream big.  I decided if I was going to pursue a career--it better be worth it.   When I was growing up, there were two things I wanted to do 1.) Be a teacher or 2.) Be on the news

I feel like motherhood has helped me fulfill dream number 1.  I will forever be a teacher to my children.  Now on to dream 2. 

Don't laugh. I am totally serious. 

Self Doubt and Goals

Welcome back

If you do not doubt yourself now and then, your goals are not nearly ambitious enough.

This has been my mantra all week.

Monday- 3 Miles on the treadmill before HEAT class.  I've started taking pre-workout supplement which I am not sure how I like yet.  Probably not ideal for running.

Tuesday- Arms and back workout with the neighborhood chicks.  Then skipped my second workout to go to the Zoo and the lake for just the night.  Speaking of lake, I am thinking of taking up paddle boarding.  And moving there full time for the summer.  Both issues I don't intend on tackling today in this blog. 

Wednesday- 6 Miles through Bonner.  My leg and foot went numb again and I hated almost every second of it.  I decided I hated running and wanted to quit.  Evidently I was in a mood with myself. 

Thursday- 3 Miles (keeping it real, I walked the last mile)

Friday- Interval training with 1/2 mile tempo runs

Tomorrow--Long run  with Heather.  Shooting for 10 miles.  We did 10 miles last week on the treadmill.  Hoping the weather holds out so we can run outside but we will see.

So let's talk goals.

• Obviously, my current goal is to run my half marathon coming up.  Finishing in under 2 hours would be ideal.  If not this half--for SURE whatever half I sign up for next.
• A few months back I completed the Whole30 program and was feeling amazing.  I have since blown it and feel like shit.  So I would like to get my diet under control so I am feeling good again.  I don't think I need to go full on Whole30, but just being balanced would be good.  Cutting out sugar other than booze is probably a good start.   Meal planning would be helpful.  Apple Crown with Sprite has been all the rage recently around the hood--so I might take that up as my new night cap.  So in summary, my new goal is to eat better and drink more Crown evidently. 

Why not.....

I stopped over thinking it all and decided.  I am running another half marathon...which is a challenge, yes.  But let's add to it.  I have 5 weeks to train.  The time frame is really helping me focus.  I typically train for 12 weeks but after 8 weeks I am burnt out.

No burn out.  Just hard work.... 

Identity Crisis

Recently I have been putting in about 10 hours a week into "the gym".  But why?  To what end.

I have no current direction.  No current goals.  Just a lot of knowledge and information swimming around in my head.

I can't say I am 'burnt out'.  This is not 'burn out'.  This is a yearning to achieve something.  But what?

I have been working on strength training recently.  Which certainly has merit.  I have been running, Some.  But mostly just doing a balance of everything.

I know it sounds odd.  But I am feeling like I am okay at a lot of things, but great at nothing. Not that I was an excellent runner.  I was slow.  But I enjoyed the journey and was very motivated by what I was doing there.  I also had a focus and could see measurable results in my efforts.  Now I am putting in 10 hours a week and not sure I am feeling like I am achieving.  Plateaus are normal, I get that--but I need motivation.

I have a lot of soul searching I need to do.  I need to find some new direction.  I feel like I am starting to loose my identity as a "runner".  I've become a recreational runner.  I am at a cross road.  Do I begin training for a half--or do I focus on strength training and just overall fitness.

Or do I quit it all and begin training for a hot dog eating contest.

I don't even enjoy hot dogs.  I am more of a beer brat kind of girl.  A beer brat eating contest? Milwaukee here I come.

All this pondering started today at a Bible study.  The long and short of it is, sometimes we have to work backwards.  What do we want?  What does the finish line look like?  And then we work backward from there.  So I am trying to picture what my next finish line is, and then I know where I need to head.

----------------------------------------------------------------

My most recent run was the Brew to Brew.  Which was a random kind of deal.  I joined a team with my neighbor and his gym-mates.  It was a good time and I met some cool new people.  My leg was about 4.8 miles which I finished in about 41 minutes.  Not terrible considering I had fireball and beer sloshing around in my belly.  Also, my left leg went completely numb like it had fallen asleep.  I tend to ignore obvious issues.  Which I will get back to in a moment. But I was one of the slowest on my team, which was an uncool feeling.

Since my leg and foot decided to have some nerve issues during the race, which ultimately impacted my pace--I went to the chiropractor for the first time.  I got an adjustment and evaluation.  The mind is a powerful thing.  So I am not sure if it was a placebo, but I truly feel like I already feel an improvement and have preformed better since my adjustment.  Hopefully this trend continues.
------------------------------------------------------------------

I really don't think blogging is "a thing" anymore. But that is okay.  I just need to revisit the good ol days and see if I could spark something.  I need to feel that fire again.

Tiblow Trot 2014

I remind my self time and time again, that the biggest measure of progress is not a number on the scale but actual accomplishments.

The Tiblow Trot is a great measuring tool for me.  I last ran the Tiblow Trot in 2012, after I had Haley but before I got pregnant with Owen.  Despite the heat and huge hills, it is one of my favorites.  Something about a home town run.  I have always been a fan of Tiblow Days.  Nostalgia going a long way for me.

This year, I shaved off over 5 minutes from my 2012 time.  That felt good.  I beat my goal of finishing it in a 9 minute per mile pace.  

Freedom Run Lenexa

Obligatory self-race selfie

While I have ran well over 10k on a regular basis, I have never ran a 10k race--officially.  I decided it was time.  

Before the race, I was actually nervous.  When I am running over 4 miles, I generally don't push my pace much.  I want to continue to enjoy running--and something about killing myself for an hour doesn't sound fun.  So I try to keep things--chill.  BUT.  It was a race. I don't know, something about that makes me want to preform.  My goal was under an hour.  

Race day was beautiful.  It was easy to find.  Parking was easy.  And there wasn't a TON of people.  Less than 2,000 maybe.  I actually prefer races like this.  Also, it was cheaper.  I signed up the week of the race and paid like $28 total.  I am not a fan of paying big money to run.  

I actually ran into some people from church which was great.  I enjoyed having someone to talk to before the race.  

Alright, strategy.  As I mentioned, I had a goal but I also wanted to enjoy the race.  The past few races, I have found myself--at some point during the race, feeling miserable.  So I wanted a 'lofty' goal but still something to strive for.  But I wasn't sure what a good way to approach a 10k was.  I did some research and it suggested starting slow (not really slow but at a conservative pace, sometimes the adrenaline will kick in and I will find myself starting a race at under an 8 minute mile pace--then be struggling a half mile in) and increasing speed the second half of the race.  

So the race started and everyone is blowing by me,  but I just watched my Garmin and got locked in. Eventually, I found an older guy who I could tell, knew what he was doing and was at the pace I needed to be at to meet my goal.  I hung back and just matched his pace. It was perfect.  After the first half of the race I increased my speed gradually, and finished solid.  58:16.  I never felt like I was struggling.  I never felt like I was getting out of control.  And I enjoyed every second of the race.  Overall, I think I finished 12th maybe in my division.  Not great, but overall in the middle of the pack.  I definitely think I could have pushed more and still finished comfortably, but my main concern was enjoying the race.  

This was likely, my favorite race.  The 10k distance is awesome.  It is longer, so it makes "paying for running" feel  better.  It is a challenge because you are balancing speed and distance.  It was a beautiful morning.  Not too hot.  The route was easy but pleasant scenery. I will likely return next year.

Next on my list is an all women 5k Timber Challenge  This is a whole new breed of event for me as it mixes obstacles with running.  I am mainly doing it because it is at the zip line place in Bonner, so I totally wanted to check that out and see what is up.  I think participants even get to zip at some point of the event.  Should be a good time.

Finish line photo.  Evidently, 10k totally gives me a runner's high?? Note the arm strap.  Best running purchase ever.  Especially since I trashed my phone two weeks ago by tucking in my sports bra while running.  I guess water damage can occur in ones bra.  Who knew.  

OCTOBER 27, 2004

Sweet 16.  It was a Wednesday.  Despite it being a big day, my stomach felt sick the entire day.

I watched the hours crawl by as the pit in my stomach got bigger and bigger. 

One thing had become obvious, I was not a runner.  And today was preseason conditioning.  On the agenda was a jog from the high school to the elementary and back.  Both the boys team and girls.  An added insult to injury was that my super jock boyfriend would witness my embarrassment that I just couldn't hang.  I was suppose to be something.  All the coaches had high hopes for my 'potential'.  But my lack of ability to push myself during conditioning was unfavorable.  As a freshman, I saw some varsity time--so I had something to prove.  That I belonged.

Within a half mile in, I was walking.  I remember the sick feeling of seeing my team run towards me as they made their way back, as I walked.  I wasn't alone.  A senior, who I had befriended stuck by my side and encouraged me the entire way (she later went on to run a marathon post high school) . I eventually returned.....defeated.

I have been way past that.  Hell I have ran a half marathon.  But today I felt like I had something to prove to myself.  So I returned. 

I parked my car along the route (elementaru school) and just started running.  Ran to our city park (a bit outside my 2004 route) ran around the park, back to the route, to the high school...around the outer track three times,  around the parking lot and back. 

Total it was about 3 times the run I couldn't run back then--- in 90 degree heat. 

My biggest competition is the voice in my head that tells me i am not good enough.  And today, I silenced that bitch. Atleast for the meantime. 

Color Run

Another bib added to my collection.

But let us be clear.  Do not confuse the Color Run with a race.  The Color Run is NOT a race.  I say this, because a race would be timed.  A race would have age categories with top finishers.  It somewhat reminded me of little league when everyone gets a trophy for showing up.  A little pat on the head, and a "there, there--at least you did your best".

I truly get the point.  My first "race" was a fun run like this and that is what it took to get me hooked on events. The Color Run is great for first timers or for runners who just needed a little joy and happiness in their weekend.  

But today, I wore my crabby pants.  Any other day, I wouldn't have an ounce of snark to me--but today, you get snark.

Here is my beef.  First off, the run is somewhat expensive.  I get it.  There is a little more that goes into the event and they give you cool "stuff", not to mention the colored corn starch they toss on you.  But I really think it should be timed.  I think that is part of the fun of it.  To see where you are and how you can improve. The anticipation and pride of looking up your time the next day.  Or maybe, they should have a timed option. Like, sign up for "this time" if you want to be in a timed 'heat'.  That would make this whole experience different.  

More beef, I usually do not pout about running solo.  I generally enjoy it.  I push myself pretty hard.  Just zone and go. I don't want to worry about slowing someone down or going to fast for a partner.  But I really didn't want to do this one alone.  EVERYONE was in large groups of friends and I was just awkwardly trying to find a place to stand.  Luckily, I am good at making single serving friends (actually most of my friends are single serving.  People just don't typically like me very much these days)  This time, I made a friend who was a girl!  Which was nice, because then I didn't have to concern myself with creepers. She was awesome, and I had a brief second where I thought about exchanging Facebooks with her so we could take our single serving friendship to the next level, but then I realized I was probably being the creeper in this scenario.  But on the off chance, Rebecca from Wichita--I think your cool as hell.  Maybe I will post a missed connections ad on Craigslist or something.  

Another thing that I want to snark about.  Girls that show up to this thing with their hair perfectly straightened down to the middle of their back.  There was a group of like 6 of them in front of me while I waited for the race to start. It was obvious that they were burning up and sweating like crazy from their super long straight hair.  But they refused to put it in a pony tail?  I don't even know what to say to that, other than--why are you here???

Another thing.  Zumba at the start line.  Cute idea.  I just hate Zumba so I wanted to complain about that as well.  Man I was a super grump today.

I made a good decision in arriving early.  I wanted to go in the first wave so I could get back to feed Owen, and from what I heard, if you started later--it was impossible to run the entire thing if you wanted to because the color zones got backed up so mid race you would have to stop and wait 5 minutes to get through the zone.  But I got their early and broke away from the crowd and just went.

Lastly. while the after photos are fun--turns out, I don't like colored corn starch thrown on me.--at least not when I am in a bad mood.  I made the best of it though, because I rock like that.

Performance wise, I timed myself.  I was almost a minute slower than my last run. BUT in my head, I just wanted to finish in under 29 minutes--so I did reach my goal.  I picked 29 minutes because I was being realistic about the weather, the fact that I am getting over a repository thing, and had decreased my activity aver the past two week.  Also, I went to the gym before the run--I took HEAT class. I don't really think that was a factor.  My legs were a little fatigued, but not bad.  If it was a long distance, I think it would have been an issue, but since it was only a 5k it was not a big deal.  

Sooo.....my final thoughts.  Deep down, I did have some fun.  I would do it again under a few circumstances.  1.) I had a group of friends to go with.  2.) Proper attire to change into post race 3.) A towel to towel off 

A beer wouldn't hurt either. 

All joking and snark aside.  I did truly enjoy myself and appreciated having the afternoon"off"  from SAHM/.Housewife gig.  I am grateful for run events as they take me places I would not otherwise go and have a fun experience to reflect on.  

Fitbit thinks I did almost 20,000 steps today.  That is super wrong.  I realized it was counting steps when I was sanding a table top earlier today....silly.  But I did do more than ten thousand today.

MD5K

I will be back "on track" starting tomorrow.  Today I am tired (and stuffed) from the weekend.

But real quick.  Ran the Mother's Day 5k today.  I had a great experience even though the kids and Ian couldn't make it to support me.  I finished 8th in my age category with over 100 in my category, so not terrible. My goal was sub 27 and I finished at 27:08 (8:44 pace). My first two miles were right around 8:21 but my third I slowed a bit. So just shy of meeting my goal.  I suppose it wouldn't be much of a goal if I easily obtain it.  Even though I am carrying a little extra weight, I am officially running quicker consistently than before I got pregnant.  Not bad 6 months post baby.  I was also pleased with the fact that I took two days off before the race--and during those two days I ate junk--ish and enjoyed in adult beverages. Probably not the best training food.  And literally 10 minutes before start time I had some super tummy problems which made me nervous to run--but I didn't wake up early and drive across town just to get sick in a portapotty and come home. 

Trying my best" oh ya this is easy smile" when I sorta was dying

Pre-run pic before leaving the house.  I  liked my Mother's Day flowers in the background

Race T-Shirt.  My favorite so far. 

Note to self:  I need an armband for my phone.  I am tired of holding it during my runs.

Trolley Run 2014

What a weekend.  I had no set plans to run the Trolley Run.  I had thought about it, but we were suppose to be out of town.  When I saw the rain chances, I realized that there was a good chance we would come home a day early--giving me the opportunity to get a race in.

We headed to the lake Friday and I was basically worthless Friday and Saturday.  I have a fitbit to prove it. We are talking 5,000 steps one day and 3,000 next.  I mostly sat around, took care of kids, drank beer, and ate junk food.  Perhaps I was feeling slightly entitled for having a pretty darn good workout week. 

Because of the rain, we headed back Saturday.  I had a few friends from the Y that were signed up for the Trolley Run and I had remembered another friend mentioning it as well.  So I texted her to see if she was going to run it--well come to find out, she had been down with the stomach flu and decided to skip it.  She offered to let me use her registration--so I jumped on that opportunity.

So Sunday morning, I got up super early--got Owen set.  And headed to the Plaza.  I decided to go solo apart from my gym buds because I needed to get there, run, and get back as fast as possible since Owen doesn't really take a bottle.

I am proud to say I got there and back without getting lost.  That alone is an accomplishment to brag about for the day.

My goal was under 36 and I finished in 36:20.......annnddd yes I had to stop and tie my shoe at one point,  it wouldnt be a race without my shoe coming untied.  When do you think I will learn? 

It was a fun race.  I would certainly run it again.  A bit crowded, but it would be one I will eventually look forward to dragging the kids too.  Fingers crossed atleast one of my kids will enjoy running as well.

After the race, I hurried home to discover Owen had slept in for the first time.  Such is life.  Sleep is overrated anways.

Boom: 26:50

This morning was another morning where stuff just wasn't going according to plan.  To put it lightly.  There was no way I was going to make it to kickboxing; meanwhile, a certain toddler was working my nerve.

So I scratched any notion of taking a class today and decided on some running and lifting.  I didn't know my exact game plan, so I decided to just wing it.  I knew I wanted to run somewhere between 3-4 miles and do a leg workout.  

Getting the treadmill set up, I decided I would do a 5K and see what kind of time I could get with pushing myself a bit.  The new treadmills at the Y are amazing.  I like to do the interactive trail runs.  Basically, you can select different trails and you see the trail on the screen in front of you and the treadmill deck automatically adjusts to hills and stuff.  It sounds cheesy but it actually feels pretty realistic.

I ended up finishing right under 27 minutes for 3.12 miles.  I know that is no crazy elite runner speed--but for me, this is an accomplishment.  I was at least a solid minute faster than that before having Owen, but it felt great to reach a new milestone.  So while I am bummed that I am not running my race this weekend, I can feel good about this week for pushing myself a bit and getting myself fired up for the season.

After I ran I did a leg workout.  

5 Sets of:

   8 Squats

   8 R leg steps ups on bosu w/ weights

   8 L leg step ups on bosu w/weights

  30 second balance squat hold on bosu

Did some abs, and stretched.  

All of that, total--I burned around 700 calories.  In one hour.  If I take a cardio class, I am happy to burn 500.  So I am really starting to buy into lifting weights.  I mean, my heart rate was in the 160's when I was squatting, so if you push yourself some--your body is going to work.

Now if I can get into the swing of doing my daily push-ups again we will be back in business.  

It Is Just a Number....

As I am slowly chipping away at the baby weight, I want to pause to remind myself....

It is just a number.

Each morning, I strip down to my birthday suit and stand barefooted on the scale.  Pound by pound the 70 plus pounds I gained is coming off.    Like most women, I have a number in my head.  A number that when I reach I will "finally" be happy.

But it is....just a number.

Some mornings, I stand on that scale and find that I am suddenly 3 lbs more than the day before.  I take survey of everything I ate the day before and it just doesn't add up.  And it affects me more than it should  I may "accidently" skip breakfast--more on purpose than I really care to admit.  Logically I understand how counterproductive this punishing act is. And I am all too aware of how this admission sounds.  This attitude is dangerous.  No I do not have an eating disorder.  But,  in the past, that number blaring up at me has had way too much power.

In my young adulthood, I have come to learned a thing or too.  And if you too have the internal struggle similar to the one I mention above, I want to offer you this.  You have to mentally fight back. When my brain starts to go "there";  you know, that gray area somewhere between a healthy management of one's health and an unhealthy obsession seasoned with self-loathing, vanity, and self-centeredness.  It is time for a reality check.  First, I remind myself that this gray area is not okay.  It is self-centered and it does not glorify nor serve God. Then I remind myself, it is just a number....

So, I am in the process of reconditioning my mind. Instead of basing all my fitness and health on the number I see on the scale, I focus on what my body can do.

There was a time I couldn't run a mile.  Now I can run several.
There was a time I couldn't do a single military push-up.  Not I can do a few.
There was a time I couldn't hold a plank for more than a few second.  Now I can hold it for longer.
There was a time I refused to do a burpee.  Now I can.

You see, I could reach my "perfect" scale number by food management alone--while not being able to accomplish any of the above.  Skinny does not equal healthy.  Skinny does not equal strong.  Skinny does not equal strength.  Skinny does not equal victory.

Loving your body for what it can do.  Is much more important than focusing on what it looks like. So I ask myself...what can my body do now?  What do I want my body to do in the future? What do I have to do to get myself there?

And the answer is always the same.  Nourish myself properly.  No overindulging and no extreme restricting either.  Balance.  Commit to fitness, daily. It takes practice and endurance.  Moving the body and moving myself closer to those goals.

It is just a number.

It doesn't tell you how far you can run.  It doesn't tell you how many push-ups you can do. It doesn't tell you how healthy your muscles, bones, and circulatory system are.  So take the number for what it is--and focus more on what your body can do.

That is all for my motivational speech today
---------------------------------------------------------------
So I want to take this opportunity to reflect on my goals.  What is it, in the short term, I want my body to do?  I lost a lot of my abilities during my pregnancy and rebuilding seems slow moving.  But I am rebuilding none-the-less.

Short-term goals for the next few months:

1. Be sure to ask God What he would like me to do with my body to serve Him? Fitness as a hobby can become very self-serving.  I want it to become God serving.  How can I use fitness to connect to other people and bring them closer to God?  
2. I want to run a half-marathon this fall.
3. I want to do 20 consecutive military push-ups.
4. I want to hold a plank for 100 seconds. 
5. I want to run for the fun of it once a week.  And I want to invite other's to do it with me.  Maybe talk about God, life, whatever.  
6. I want to not cringe everytime I hear the word "burpee". 
7. I want to swim across the lake (and back) this summer (with some floaty device, because I am not a strong swimmer)

The number on the scale, can't tell me if I have accomplished any of the above goals...because it is just a number.....

Finding Peace--Even during miscarriage & Almost loosing the first man I ever loved

1/1/2013

I am a fan of the new year.

I buy into the idea of a fresh beginning.  A new start.

I think most people are.  A "reset" if you will.  No better time then to kick off my happiness project.

As discussed, this month I am focusing on bringing more peace into my life.  I couldn't have choose a more appropriate theme.  The past few days have been a roller coaster ride of emotions.  My grandfather is having some major health issues that landed him in ICU and a medically induced coma.  This has shaken my world.  I know some day, I will have to face loosing my grandparents and even my parents.  It is the whole, circle of life stuff we were taught from Lion King, right?  But not yet.  I am not ready.  I need more time.   This is the first man that taught me it is okay and safe to love a man.   Dad's walking out on daughters can have catastrophic affects.  But I had a loving, honorable grandfather that showed me that real men have honor (and step father too, I was one VERY VERY lucky young lady growing up).  Real men take care of their responsibility.  Real men don't walk out.  Real men take naps in their lazy boys with their granddaughters asleep on their lap.  Real men teach their grand babies really awesome stuff like how to work a computer and how to speak Spanish (even though I am still far from fluent)--but the lesson being NEVER stop learning.  Real men cook 5 grand kids lunch, and can't keep up when said grand kids are eating fried potatoes faster than he could cook them.  Real men serve rocky road ice cream at 2 o'clock in the afternoon.  I have received enough love from the man I call my grandpa, to last me a life time.  And I am not ready to give him back to God.  I want to listen to his stories more.  I want to help him when he now has questions on technology.  I want my daughter to know his love, so when I speak fondly of my childhood and memories of him, she knows.

So when I hear stuff like hemorrhaging; critical; main line; transfusions;coma---I ugly faced sobbed.  I seriously thought there was no chance.  Now I hear there is a chance.  We have progress and hope.  But the woods are still thick.  And there are a lot of unknowns.  But if love can bring people back from the edge of death--I have enough of it for my grandpa that he may just be immortal.  But life doesn't work that way.   So we wait.

Peace.  Through this, God blessed me with peace.  Rewind just a second.  I think people throw statements like that around too often.  The use the word "blessed" too often and take it too lightly.  I don't use this term lightly.  So please know, when I share this--I mean this with all my heart.  God gave me peace and comfort that could only come from Him.

The very same day things got ugly with my grandpa, I started to miscarry.  The two are not related what so ever.  And I had a good week and a half heads up that this was something I was probably going to be facing.  So I had come to peace with this not being a viable pregnancy long before the bleeding began.  But it was just emotionally overwhelming.  I lay in bed that morning, my heart in so much pain I had no will to move.  When God's overwhelming comfort and peace came over me.  I ripped myself from bed, threw on a pad--and moved forward.  That day, God moved a mountain.

I do not believe God made me miscarry.  I don't believe "everything happens for a reason".  We have free will so life happens.  15-30% of pregnancies end this way.  Not because God hand selects women to feel this profound lost, but because the biology sometimes simply fails.  Nature is merciful and when something goes wrong, the pregnancy terminates.  God did not choose this for me.  It just happened.  But He does comfort me when I ask.  He does give me peace.  And when He asked for me to rejoice always, he meant even now.  So even now, as my heart hurts for my grandfather who is in pain.  Even now, when I am bleeding out what could have been my second child.  Morbid maybe, but I felt like it would have been a boy.  He would have been due right around my brother's birthday.  I am not sure if that means I will have a little soul in heaven waiting for his Mom or not.  I am not sure how this stuff works and at what "point" in pregnancy a soul is designated "to" me.  But I can't dwell on these things. Instead I have to rejoice in the lord always.  I will try not to be anxious for anything and continue to turn to God in prayer and thanksgiving.  Because God is faithful--and God provided me with Peace....and it is only day 1...

Please pray for my Grandpa.  I am not ready to give him up.  I know that is such a selfish wish when I know heaven awaits him.  And if I could truly comprehend heaven, I wouldn't selfishly want to keep him on this world.  But I am a human.  I am imperfect.  and I don't want to let him go yet.  And if he does go.  I pray that the child I lost today ( I am almost certain I finally passed the "tissue" today)--that he has a great-grandchild in heaven with him.  Because that thought, also brings me peace.

My First Half: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Pilgrim Pacer 11/10/2012 Distance: 13.1 Goal: Under 2 hours 15 Minutes (A little over a 10 minute pace) Which I felt was do able as I had done 10 mile runs at a 10 minute pace a few times. What was an extra 3.1 miles at that pace....ha.......ha.....HA.

This is me.  Before the race. Full of hope and confidence.

The Good: Evidently I am a fan of trail runs over "road runs".  I loved the scenery.  Something about just getting out and running around in the woods makes one feel so peaceful.  I loved the view of the lake.  The trees were beautiful.  And it wasn't cold.  I finished and I finished strong.  I never once wanted to give up and I just kept on keeping on.  Sometimes you just have to drop down to a low gear and go slow and steady to finish a race.  And this was one of those races where I had to slow down and pace myself a little slower than I would have liked.  The first 6-10 miles ish were money.  I think I could probably do very well with a 10K. But things started to get difficult the last 3 miles.....

The Bad:  I didn't meet my goal.  It was windy has hell.  We are talking 15-25 mph straight on.  It felt like I was running with a resistance band pulling me backward..the entire time.    This was definitely a new challenge for me.  The first mile I had a side cramp that eventually subsided.  My spandex bottoms were actually a little too big on me, so I was concerned about flashing my sexy panties to the nice people behind me, but after awhile you just don't care anymore.  I don't want to use any of this as an excuse to why I didn't meet my goal.  I didn't meet my goal because I didn't train hard enough.  Period end of story.  But am I still proud?  Hell ya.

The Ugly:  I have a heart rate monitor I wear when I run for multiple reasons.  One of which is that I like to see what type of calories I am burning, and the other is to obviously see where my heart rate is. Usually, when I am running distance runs at about a 6 mph speed my heart rate hovers around 149-155.  For whatever reason my heart rate started and stayed in the 170's-179.  I am not sure if it was the wind resistance, the hills, or what.  The other thing, which I did to myself....the day before I consumed less calories than I burned in the race.  You do the math.  that was not a very smooth move on my part.  Basic running rules tells you , fuel your body.  Period.  That is very basic and I blew that. Plus, I don't hydrate well (ever) and didn't bring a mid run snack to keep my energy up.  Lesson learned.  And lastly, I was warned.  Every runner that I told I was running the Pilgrim Pacer gave me a crazy look and asked me if I knew about the hills.  Which I did, but I think I was over estimating my abilities.  They.are.brutal.  About the last 3 miles are all up hill and the last 1/2 mile is just one steep hill that makes you want to die.  One poor girl behind me lost it and started sobbing.  My heart broke for her--but it motivated me to move a little faster because, being a woman, something like that starts to get in my head.  Oh and my phone died around mile 10.  So no music.  That sucked too.  

So there you have it.  That was my first 1/2 marathon experience.  Overall, I am proud.  I earned my 13.1 sticker on the back of my car.  And now a new season begins as I will look forward to new goals.  I have my sights on the KC 1/2 marathon next year.  That gives me a while to get my head on and train correctly this time.  My goal for that is under 2 hours.  

Last excuse to make me feel better.  I paced myself with this one woman who looked like she knew what she was doing.  At the end of the race she approached me and asked if my legs were cramping (hell yes) and she said she could tell by my form towards the end of the race.  We got to talking and she has done SEVERAL 1/2 marathons and full marathons and she said today, and this race was the hardest she had ever encountered--so to not beat myself up over not meeting my goal.  That helped a little but it still stings a little.  

Finishing, yes--that is a smile on my face.